Just to Happy....

Oh this is just to cute for words....

I have a problem and my problem are that I'm just to darn happy. I have this major urge just to wright a poem again, I just have to its eating me up inside for the fact that I haven't written one in such a long time.

I have three perfect gorgeous pics lying inside of my picture folder that has to become poems but I just cant turn them into a poem. I have tried for the last week and I have just got as far as one phrase and deleted. Now that has been going on for such a long time. It's killing me.

I don't have what it takes when I'm happy. When I'm happy I love the fact that I have to go to work, I love it to communicate with people and I love live. But all the rest is gone.... I drive like my gran mother and just don't care about anything happening. I ignore all bad just enjoy the wonderful sarcasm of the earth.

I hate it.... I tell you I hate it. Maybe if I had a reason to be happy it would have been okay, but there's nothing there, nothing to be so happy about. I want to be sad again.... I want to be able to write my poems, I want to enjoy every second I spend on the roads every day. Driving as a maniac. I want to feel the pain inside me, I want to feel my hart bleeding and I want to know that I'm still alive living a life on this planet.

I don't want to be mad but I just want to be sad... I want to write...

Someone please make me sad, Well that's now if it's possible for a happy man to get sad. :)

And its offer

Okay so the game are played and now the world are back to normal. No more funny ppl walking around with gold hair in the streets.

Well the game was quite good "I think", Yes I'm not a big rugby fan or in fact I'm not a real big sport fan if it has no wheels and no engine. But I watched the game with a few of my dear friends and they played good.

Al tho I haven't really got the kick out of the game but more watching my friends while the game where on. Sitting there almost ready to jump into the TV and help them play. Screaming, stressing and even some tears running down there cheeks as they score.

Thanx for the entertainment :) I enjoyed it....

Let it out.....

Ever bottled every thing up in side of you, so much that your soul just feel that it can no more, you keep every thing for your self just don't know how to let go of it. As much as you would like to spill it out to some one you trust with your life you just cant. You just cant get your self to that point to do it, you make plans and when it gets there you cant do anything....

Well I have that problem, I keep everything to myself never letting go. It works, it keeps you happy but you always get to a limit. a Limit that just make you crack and that's never a good thing. Had one on a certain new years and my cabinet or what ever you call the thing have seen its last days. I had one more to the beginning of the year and had a fight with someone I don't want to fight with. It turned out great tho, for my life that is.

And then you just get those days you just burst into tears... Well that I get allot ( Lee you never read this ) just lying on your bed and snap, out comes the tears as every thing eats you out from inside. Your hart pains, your mind runs away with thoughts of what to do and how to stop the pain. Every person are different there as I tend to go for a search you hurt myself more. In that way when the pain goes away nothing bodders me anymore for a while tho, and unfortunately I used some one that could have been a wonderful friend for that. I miss her come to think about it.

Why are it so hard to let it all out, just lay back and let your soul take it all out and let it flow out as words. We all know it helps but still nothing. I started this blog out as something I wanted to let go, me and Lee discussed something a bit earlier involving one of her friends and I realized something, something that I were searching the answer for since I can remember. She just made me to realize that I know why, I have had the answer all these years but just never wanted to admit it to myself. Now I have I admitted it to myself but have now just realized that its more a fear than anything else.

Yes I have fears... As afraid as I am for a small little horsey as afraid as I am of small little rooms, well if you can call that a fear.

Strange how ppl can help you and don't even know they did, or what they done. Now just to get past it as hell knows there's no way in hell I'll get closer than 5 meters to horse.

Nothing but emptiness

Nothing..... Yes nothing that's all that's on my mind, there's nothing bordering me there's nothing I'm thinking of. It's just a clear plain of emptiness here. Well it was just one of those day's I woke up happy and I just turned like a pool of crystal clear watter when a bloody body gets dropped in. The way that the blood takes over the pool and soon its just red and nothing else, was a phone call this morning for me. From happy to just fed up for the day. I have had one of my worst days, just didn't want to do anything, didn't want to work, didn't want to speak and didn't want to think.

And still nothing, nothing to say nothing to type. My creative side are still sleeping and don't want me to bring it out yet. It likes the silence and it likes the dark.

Why are it always so hard to let go of things. I have this one wonderful and beautiful lady friend, Oh she's just adorable but she likes to torture her self by hurting her soul day to day. She's so unhappy with her man, she shed a tear everyday for him, she knows he's hurting her but still she stays loyal to him just because she cant let go. It has been two months now and from the start there were only things in the way of happiness in that relation ship. Yes she will not admit it but she knows it's true. Just let go... How I wish our moons were closer for me to show her what happiness could be.

To Reaver good luck and I hope for all the best.

5 Mins in between....

Hay there...

Yes I know it's been a long time since I said I'm back, Sorry for that but I got abit stuck between work, life and my new baby. Things are going so hectic at work this last while with all this rain and wind. It seems that the weather are affecting all my clients. And then just to boost everything a fast early morning golf driver forgot how to stay on the road and flew over a 12 feet wall and ripped off the 3 meter high electric fence on top of the wall (Unfortunately one off my sites), Luckily there were no damage to the wall.

Well whats new?? I moved into a nice cosy palace some where hidden in centurion with my work in my back yard. Then the high ligth off my current life, I got myself a new Baby. She's a beautifull black Jetta 4 V5 and just got her back from the tuner with a brand new stainless wildcat pipe and a Little piggy back programmable computer as an add-on to the factory chip... No warranty loss :)

Further more I'm missing my mommy.... NO just joking. I bought me a wonderful washer / dryer all in one thingy, some one told me I will need one to wash my clothes so I got myself one of those... Just to find out it's a total piece of junk!! The washer are great, fantastic but that dryer thing, I don't know if I'm just the stupid idiot that cant find away to get the darn thing working or if its actually the bad technology that just don't like me... Either way I CANT DRY MY CLOTHES... but I can cook a meal in the dryer.

Did I mention Trivian... Hell addictive game but playing for 2 months now and still I'm nowhere in the game....