A Day of Supprise

I have been working in a huge church today, the place looks like a shopping mall. Okay don't see that place as an church but more like a big business, They make over 1.4 million in collection each weekend, now tell me that, that's not a business.

Anyway there are this one part in there front hall where all the oldish lady's gather each morning to enjoy a hot cup of tea and discuss all the bad and evil things that the people done yesterday. I promise you that there were nothing good said about anyone in there Little bubble of space. Just sitting there and drinking there tea.

Unfortunately for me the work that has to be done there were just out side of their bubble. I've spend more than 5 hours next to their bubble, as one got up to leave to go and get her brats from school ( Darn I sounding like Lee now ) another just come and join their Little tea party. In that 5 hours of hell 1 good thing has been said.... Her boy got selected for a music thingy, and back to the normal discussion.

After reading lee's blog I suddenly realized that the old hags has discussed the same thing to day. I can remember that the one said that Halloween should be baned and that she cant believe that there are country's enjoying this fantastic day. And how they discussed the fact of that it's Satan's birthday. Now the one thing that made my day were the look(S) I received by trying to hold in my laughter right to them as they were talking all this "Bullshit" about Halloween. ( sorry for the lang ).

How can people give make that they are so good and so sweet, telling you to follow the right path alto it might be a bit tight and then just turn around and speak nasty about other people??

Just to Happy....

Oh this is just to cute for words....

I have a problem and my problem are that I'm just to darn happy. I have this major urge just to wright a poem again, I just have to its eating me up inside for the fact that I haven't written one in such a long time.

I have three perfect gorgeous pics lying inside of my picture folder that has to become poems but I just cant turn them into a poem. I have tried for the last week and I have just got as far as one phrase and deleted. Now that has been going on for such a long time. It's killing me.

I don't have what it takes when I'm happy. When I'm happy I love the fact that I have to go to work, I love it to communicate with people and I love live. But all the rest is gone.... I drive like my gran mother and just don't care about anything happening. I ignore all bad just enjoy the wonderful sarcasm of the earth.

I hate it.... I tell you I hate it. Maybe if I had a reason to be happy it would have been okay, but there's nothing there, nothing to be so happy about. I want to be sad again.... I want to be able to write my poems, I want to enjoy every second I spend on the roads every day. Driving as a maniac. I want to feel the pain inside me, I want to feel my hart bleeding and I want to know that I'm still alive living a life on this planet.

I don't want to be mad but I just want to be sad... I want to write...

Someone please make me sad, Well that's now if it's possible for a happy man to get sad. :)

And its offer

Okay so the game are played and now the world are back to normal. No more funny ppl walking around with gold hair in the streets.

Well the game was quite good "I think", Yes I'm not a big rugby fan or in fact I'm not a real big sport fan if it has no wheels and no engine. But I watched the game with a few of my dear friends and they played good.

Al tho I haven't really got the kick out of the game but more watching my friends while the game where on. Sitting there almost ready to jump into the TV and help them play. Screaming, stressing and even some tears running down there cheeks as they score.

Thanx for the entertainment :) I enjoyed it....

Let it out.....

Ever bottled every thing up in side of you, so much that your soul just feel that it can no more, you keep every thing for your self just don't know how to let go of it. As much as you would like to spill it out to some one you trust with your life you just cant. You just cant get your self to that point to do it, you make plans and when it gets there you cant do anything....

Well I have that problem, I keep everything to myself never letting go. It works, it keeps you happy but you always get to a limit. a Limit that just make you crack and that's never a good thing. Had one on a certain new years and my cabinet or what ever you call the thing have seen its last days. I had one more to the beginning of the year and had a fight with someone I don't want to fight with. It turned out great tho, for my life that is.

And then you just get those days you just burst into tears... Well that I get allot ( Lee you never read this ) just lying on your bed and snap, out comes the tears as every thing eats you out from inside. Your hart pains, your mind runs away with thoughts of what to do and how to stop the pain. Every person are different there as I tend to go for a search you hurt myself more. In that way when the pain goes away nothing bodders me anymore for a while tho, and unfortunately I used some one that could have been a wonderful friend for that. I miss her come to think about it.

Why are it so hard to let it all out, just lay back and let your soul take it all out and let it flow out as words. We all know it helps but still nothing. I started this blog out as something I wanted to let go, me and Lee discussed something a bit earlier involving one of her friends and I realized something, something that I were searching the answer for since I can remember. She just made me to realize that I know why, I have had the answer all these years but just never wanted to admit it to myself. Now I have I admitted it to myself but have now just realized that its more a fear than anything else.

Yes I have fears... As afraid as I am for a small little horsey as afraid as I am of small little rooms, well if you can call that a fear.

Strange how ppl can help you and don't even know they did, or what they done. Now just to get past it as hell knows there's no way in hell I'll get closer than 5 meters to horse.

Nothing but emptiness

Nothing..... Yes nothing that's all that's on my mind, there's nothing bordering me there's nothing I'm thinking of. It's just a clear plain of emptiness here. Well it was just one of those day's I woke up happy and I just turned like a pool of crystal clear watter when a bloody body gets dropped in. The way that the blood takes over the pool and soon its just red and nothing else, was a phone call this morning for me. From happy to just fed up for the day. I have had one of my worst days, just didn't want to do anything, didn't want to work, didn't want to speak and didn't want to think.

And still nothing, nothing to say nothing to type. My creative side are still sleeping and don't want me to bring it out yet. It likes the silence and it likes the dark.

Why are it always so hard to let go of things. I have this one wonderful and beautiful lady friend, Oh she's just adorable but she likes to torture her self by hurting her soul day to day. She's so unhappy with her man, she shed a tear everyday for him, she knows he's hurting her but still she stays loyal to him just because she cant let go. It has been two months now and from the start there were only things in the way of happiness in that relation ship. Yes she will not admit it but she knows it's true. Just let go... How I wish our moons were closer for me to show her what happiness could be.

To Reaver good luck and I hope for all the best.

5 Mins in between....

Hay there...

Yes I know it's been a long time since I said I'm back, Sorry for that but I got abit stuck between work, life and my new baby. Things are going so hectic at work this last while with all this rain and wind. It seems that the weather are affecting all my clients. And then just to boost everything a fast early morning golf driver forgot how to stay on the road and flew over a 12 feet wall and ripped off the 3 meter high electric fence on top of the wall (Unfortunately one off my sites), Luckily there were no damage to the wall.

Well whats new?? I moved into a nice cosy palace some where hidden in centurion with my work in my back yard. Then the high ligth off my current life, I got myself a new Baby. She's a beautifull black Jetta 4 V5 and just got her back from the tuner with a brand new stainless wildcat pipe and a Little piggy back programmable computer as an add-on to the factory chip... No warranty loss :)

Further more I'm missing my mommy.... NO just joking. I bought me a wonderful washer / dryer all in one thingy, some one told me I will need one to wash my clothes so I got myself one of those... Just to find out it's a total piece of junk!! The washer are great, fantastic but that dryer thing, I don't know if I'm just the stupid idiot that cant find away to get the darn thing working or if its actually the bad technology that just don't like me... Either way I CANT DRY MY CLOTHES... but I can cook a meal in the dryer.

Did I mention Trivian... Hell addictive game but playing for 2 months now and still I'm nowhere in the game....

He's back.....

Yip he's back....

The Grem is alive, awake and ready for all the strange things your weird world brings his way while he's searching for all the goodies needed to get his ship up and running again for him to take his tour thuther throu the never ending blackness of space untill his final destination has been reached where he will relax and enjoy the rest of his live with all of them who got onto his litle black ship going towards the space where man has never gone before searching for all that cant be found in a single life time as all life lines are to short and never finds there place in gaya nor space where all posibility's come to an end with the un completion for life it self with or without any rituals where life will spawn again to complete the never ending circle of life to be lived by may after the fisrt has been born for weirdness to life and strive throu those who chose the beter end of for what they are not to be for now and for ever after the day of gaya to be seen and hold for all that lives and not to be.....

Butterfly....

as i look out my window on the world
the things I saw, can not be told
children lying naked in the streets
young men deing for things, they don't believe
and a butterfly can flatter by my window

as i look out my window on the world
the things I saw, can not be told
no silver stream, no plain accross
just the war machines of steel and glass
and a butterfly can flatter by my window

so fly, litle butterfly
there's nothing here for you and I
a great big hole in a very big sky
Goodbye, litle butterfly
flying to, sky of blue
and leave it all behind
butterfly

as i look out my window on the world
the things I saw, can not be told
I saw the sun fade away
colour's fo the rainbow turned to gray
and a butterfly can flatter by my window

so fly, litle butterfly
there's nothing here for you and I
a great big hole in a very big sky
Goodbye, litle butterfly
flying to, sky of blue
and leave it all behind

dust to dust
is all has to maze
the ashes jug, has blown away
now great new hug, bright new day
no one hears to what i say
spread your wings in to the sun, and fly
and a butterfly can flatter by my window

so fly, litle butterfly
there's nothing here for you and I
a great big hole in a very big sky
Goodbye, litle butterfly
flying to, sky of blue
leave it all behind
butterfly

Not Enouth

Its been a long time, life has gone on
I'm still here and you're still there
Not much has change as for my dreams

Still dreaming about fast classic cars
Still dreaming for a life not here
Still dreaming wanting more and more

I geuse that will never change
My life will be all the same
With or with out I'll still be me

I'll still care for you to be
I'll still hope for some good
I'll still want more and more
I'll never have enouth

For my greed are stronger
And thats a batle I could not beat
The batle of my happyness and love
Loosing for years has come

Allway's wanting more when I got it all
Pushing all to the limit and over
Loosing everything everytime
There's no stop in me, not at all

Wanting more, needing more
Never to see that it's all perfect
I got enouth, I don't need more
That me know as day and night

Still I'm not satisfeid with all this
I want more, I need more for now and then
I need more forever, thats just me
Nothings ever enouth, Nothing ever works
I got to stop this, and now

I'm feeling I'm loosing again, just because
Just because of greed, envy and jaliousy
Damm this life, Damm this soul, Damm me...

Blessed Be!!

Alive or Dead

I'm sitting here not so sure
All seems fine for now at least
I feel so alive but yet it just can't be
To be so happy for all are true

Everything is here, I can feel
Everything is here, I can see

It's to good to be true
This have to be false
It just can't be, It's me
Am I alive or am I dead

I saw myself when still alive
I saw myself as dead like now
I'm living here just as you
I'm living here with out a soul

I'm as dead as alive can be
I'm a skeleton wraped in skin
With vains and blood running thru
A heart to keep me not going blue

But yet my soul is not here
My soul is lost somewhere I know
It's looking after you day by day
I'm just a zombie for my live's with you

I'm so happy as can be
For a man walking with half of him
You'll always be safe with my soul by you
So let it be for you to be you

My life makes no sence with out you
I'm as dead as can be with out you
And I know I don't have you

Blessed Be!!