I'm Back....

Hay there all, I'm back on popular demand, hehe ne just kidding I missed my blog and all my freinds. But yeah I have found out that there are a lot more ppl reading my blog that I known as they all asked me why I'm not blogging any more. Well sorry for not being here for all this time, Just have been so bussy sorting out my life.

But I'm back and will do my best to get back up to speed with an update every day, Well I'll try my best...

This last 2weeks been hectic and hard and I'll need at least week of sleep non stop just get all the rest I need. Well started at my new job, and got sort of promoted after two days, They are actually fighting for me in the office. LOL if they only knew... Move to my new "gat" for just a while and how hectic that was and still is. Don't know How I'm gonna last till next year but yeah will just do it.

I made two new Wonderfull and Special friends to party with... Darn I'm glad for that, to miss ppl like that in your life is a terror you just cant have. Thanx to My new wonderful friend that done soooo much of effort for me and my connections that night. It was great.

Well my baby is still standing due to the suspention, I just dont have time to fix it. So for now I just spend some time looking at her and thinking she needs a bath.

Well That will be all for now, Just wanted to say that I'm still here and the postig will begin again from today to the end. Again sorry for beeing away. Missed ya all and If I haven't got to your blog yet, Sorry I still will. Then for those who just read.... Why do you not comment??

An it harm none, do what thy will.
Honor, Responsibility and Duty Always!
Strength be to me and to thee."
Blessed be!

The Bunny Died

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it has to be done. I have to get this out of my system one way or another so here it go.

I have been here for you from day one… Yes I felt in love with you as you stole my heart, You made me to believe that there might be a chance, My life could be perfect no matter what’s wrong. I have given my life, my soul for you to have as a sign of my love. Your beauty has brought me thru every single day, you were my life, I smiled every second of every day as I knew that you where there, You were part of my life.

But now I’m just your toy and that has to come to an end… I don’t know how to be evil, mad, or angry with you, I just can’t bring myself to do it. You have hurt me one too many time’s as there are too many to count in this small length of time that we have been “friends”. But yet I always have forgiven you after spending the whole day in tears and Ignoring my friends (Sorry for that), When you said sorry I was yet again a happy man. There were times you had no reason, there were times you had. But you always no matter what let me feel as if it was my entire fault. Well blame it on the bunny.

But I have news for you… This bunny is dead, What you did last night is unacceptable, you hurt me, and you know that. But yet it doesn’t bother you. You accused me of something last night, something you know I hate the most of this world, and in the end I was the bunny. I’m not your toy, I’m not just a little bag of emotions to squeeze when you had a bad day and to hold when you had a good day. My heart is fragile and that you know but yet you play with me. This is the end of your toy.

You Love Me… or You Don’t
You’re My Friend… or You’re Not
Stop playing with me according to your moods… I can’t take it any more.

I know I will be sorry for this post as I know this is gonna harm our friendship. I’m sorry for that, I truly am. You know I value our friendship, You know I will always be there for you if you need help. But you said I must go on with my life. I’m trying my best. But now I’m moving on and have become a player?? How in the hell do you get this!!!

I hope that we can still be friends. But I’m moving on as you don’t really want me for more… Have to go on with my life. But still want you part if you think you’re up to it.

Here's to you and here's to me
I pray that friends we'll always be,
But if by chance we disagree,
The heck with you and here's to me!

Darn I don’t know How I’m gonna get thru this but Hell have to see…(Well that is if I’m going to get thru)

Closed Eye's

I always wished that I could find someone as beautiful as you
But in the prosess I forgot that I was specail too
I always wished that I could find someone as talented as you
But in the prosess I forgot that I was just as good as you

Madonna - X Static Prosess.

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It all hapened so fast
You were there but not me
I was looking into a wall
I could not see
I treid to jump
But yet I fell

I was blind I saw just one
You were there, I didn't see
There always was that something
Was it the way you made me feel
Was it the way you made me smile
I always waited for you
Yet I looked over you

I wish I could turn back the clock
Just a few days its all I need
It came with a shock
When you opened my eye's
I could see you of all
To late as time has passed
Just a day or two
I was a fool

How can love make you blind
How can you miss Beauty
As beauty have a certain shine
A light to see in all the darkness
A light to guide you thru
I had to see you
But love has blinded me

Time run out
And I have missed
Time don't stop
That I'v learned...

Dedicated To Andrea...

Small Things

Our lives has got so bussy that we all miss the small things in life... When last did you stop just to smell the flowers next to the rose, when last have you staired at a small bug and just thought wow?? Look at nature with open eye's and just think darn this is beautiful...

We all are so bussy thinking of work, our next party, I need a drink, my next car, ect.... Well stop and look adain how beautiful life is. We have the most beautiful planet to live on. We have the most beautiful creaters, well thats with out those park town prawns, Those things are just discusting. I can take those buggers...

But there are so many things taken for granted. So yeah we have a lot of crime, and a lot of evil in this world but look at the positive things with in the end of the day are more than the bad. But ppl tend to look at the bad and forget about the good. Wake up and smell the rose for that will make your day. Just to remember all the good and beautiful things in life could elemenate all the bad...

Come on ppl, lets try to stop worring about every thing, Stop all the stress of work and your life, Life will work out some way or another. Just follow the path thru this beautiful garden road, stop and take a close look at this tree... It's in your life for you to see. Enjoy life to the full an dforget about all the bad in your life and you will realize that its not that bad.

Strength be to me and to thee.
Blessed be!

Changing your Stars.

Every one can Change there own stars, If you really believe....
It's all in your hands to change your stars, only you can do it and nobody else. But it can be done if you really want to.

Okay so what do I mean?? I mean that you can make your future what you want it to be, if you are willing to change it. Okay I have a friend that shown me that you can be what and who you want to be if you just put a bit of effort into it. (wish I had that will to do it) Okay quick back ground. a few years ago he was nothing more than me and he just decided he wants to be something in life so he started to rearange his stars and at this moment he's bussy doing his MBA degree and are one of the highest respected ppl in my life and in a lot more...

To go for nothing to hero, it can be done. What do you want? You want your BMW, your private Jet? well whats your problem?? go and get it. If you really but I mean really want something why don't you have it's not out of your reach even if you think it is, just reach and grab it you know you can... Yes it will envolve some risks to take but you can do it.

Go for it. Go and get your dream... Lee good luck as I know you are bussy changing your stars, and I know you will reach it, you have the right attitude towards your challenge that leis in front of you... I know I can to that... and I'm bussy doing it.... So for every one thats going after their dream, Good luck and remember you can....

Our Wonderful Metro....

Okay everybody know our wonderfull Metro Polisee and Every body just have to love the little buggers… I mean come on most of the are driving a little 1300 or 1400 Chico Golf and then they think they are the king of the roads… They can do just what they wish to do. Playing with there siren and just basicly give’s you crap because they had a boring day…

I can still remember the day of me and Skillie (MKII Golf oh how I miss her). Okay well Skillie was hot and most wanted in Jetpark as I were always at the illegal drag racings on Sunday’s and what fun we had… But when ever I was just driving with her in Jetpark doesn’t matter what time or when I’ll get pulled over by some metro or cop who just had a boring day… I remember one night me just driving normally and got pulled of by a off duty Metro (okay my normal driving includes a bit of seeding every now and then).

As the metro pulled me over (this happened in Jetpark) I got out of the car and darn wasn’t he an misribel old man. As he couldn’t really give me a speeding fine he just gave me crap. Well for those who don’t know me that well I hate cops and metro’s. So mr Big Mouth Grem opened up his mouth and then it was over. The old man asked me to open my bonnet he went and got his little book and manual out of his car and started. Looking into my bonnet and began writing your tapped cover is leaking oil, Bull it was only breathing, its kork it will get a bit wet at the out side. And so he went thru my engine looking for every little thing he could get. Well just because I opened my mouth every time he wrote I stepped away with a R700 fine in the end of the day.
But hell it sure was fun to give the prick crap. Worth every send…

Okay F$#@ this now you getting a half of a story because of Microsoft so thank them for there crap software, I have done this second half 4 time’s now and wouldn’t do it again. So a special thanx to Microsoft for Their wonderful Only error software…

Sorry Lee but you’ll have to battle again with my spelling cause this spell check is only giving me crap….

Forgeting a dream....

All your life your searching for a dream, the dream that can make you happy, the dream that makes everything worth while well what happens if you find that dream and that dream is not ment for you. What do you do when you find out that dream will never be yours?

Well I found my dream. a Dream worth more than life but I also desocvered that this dream does not belong to me... This dream will proberly never belong to me... I now just have one problem with all of this. I'm hurting my self and more with my pastion for this dream.

Now how do you forget about this dream with out forgetting? How can I get to that point to not hurt myself and others but still to have that dream present in my life? As I do not whant to throu away all the beauty in it. but with the same breath I don't know how much longer I'll be able to go on. It's hard enouth for me just to get to the point that its not my dream... and to forget that it is... I'll not be able to take that whole dream out of my life... To forget it completely will be my end... but to make peice that its not for me will be hard but it just have to be....

The War of survival.

And thee day has come. The war for survival in my lonely dark life has began and I'm already out numbered against this major force against me. All my wonderfull enemies as joint forces to the batle of the end. The dark time's that I can see in front of me doesn't look good at all it creates a picture of terror in my mind a picture of hate a picture of denile and a picture of the end. My enemies are sure to win this batle or must I rather say this war...

All the terror of what I'm gonna do, is bussy braking me up into a 1000 pieces, stress is taking over my soul as I don't know where to go what to do, How I will servive this I don't know yet... As for two weeks left to get a new roof over my head, have to get a job some where as mine have left me along the side of my road. My emotions is playing me like a rubber ball stuck between two narrow walls. The hate is growing inside me as I thought it could, it's growing and growing and I can feel how it just want to burst...

Denile of all kind is stikking its knife thru my back for me feel that it's still there, for me to know that life is still gonna torture me for a long time. My emotions taking me down like a lion take's a dear, just as you think you excaped the sharp and long claws it grabs you at the back and just pull you down again. The need for somethings you just cant get is like looking for ammo in the middle of a batle field cralling on the ground eating dust as you trying to breath searching for ammo on every dead boddy you pass. As you know if you stand up it's the end off everything you know....

As skywalker found out that the Darkside is more powerfull and easyer, my soul feels like to go to the dark, my soul is looking for an exit of the terror... I can see the darkness covering my world as the mist comes over the mountains as the dust of my life get blown into the air by all the exploding emotions... my body is sweatty, I'm couthing my longs out as there's no more air for me to breath, falling down on the earth that ones was ground and now all thats left is dust covered in blood for as far as you can see. trying to get to the body lying next to you but dont have the energy to reach...

Just lying there as the air gets less, lying there while welcoming the long painful death as there's nothing you can do, you just turn around on your back looking into the sky and just see darkness..........

Pain....

Every body takes pain as something that hurts and as something that’s bad. Well I disagree a bit with that one, pains not always something that hurts or something that’s bad but it can be something that you enjoy and something where you can find peace and comfort, yeah I know it sounds a bit weird and a bit freaky but there’s some truth in it.

Okay let’s first take normal pain, pain of the body. Now most of you have broken a bone or has cut your self and got stitches. Was that pain? Did it hurt you? Well you survived so I’ll take it wasn’t that bad… In my life I have broke my arm that was quite funny as I thought I bend it (don’t even ask), I cracked my neck on some stupid way (no comments please…) and broke the cracked neck in a car accident. And I have cut myself 100’s of times, okay not always stitches and I have found that, yes this pain hurts a bit but actually I’ve learned to enjoy it… Body pain hurts but it sure is fun….

Then you get your pain of your soul…. Now there I can’t get any comfort but yet some ppl do. The pain of your soul is when you lose someone special to you in life or death, when every your heart gets broken into 1000 pieces. Sometimes it’s the smallest little thing that makes it hurts so much…. When ever your heart get crashed, it’s a torture that you just cant take, it hurts so much that your willing to end every thing and just say good bye to the world. The human soul is built to be one of the strongest things that you’ll ever find but yet they get damaged and grow to be soft till it’s too late. It’s this pain that makes ppl to end everything. It’s this pain that no one can stand it’s this pain that no one wants.

Why should life have this pain? Yes this is all just emotions and feelings but emotions are the best thing of life and yet the worst of life. Emotions can build you and it can brake you. Why is mankind so strong but yet so weak?

You can build me in 10sec but you can brake me down in only one!!

Glimmer of Light

Sleeping with my eye’s closed
Living with my mind closed
Following the dark lonely road
It’s deserted to the end
It’s only you alone
With shadows of all
Hiding you from light

The path of the end
The beginning of life
Where does it go
Are there future at the end
As clouds and fog
Cover’s it all

I felt a breeze
On this lonely path
Moving over my skin
The fog’s and clouds shifting away
I’m beginning to see
The path gets clear

There’s a light from above
Glimmering at me
There’s hope I can see
The shadows gets less
The path brightens up
There’s live all around

My little light above
Keeping me on the path
As happiness is there
As I’m not alone
Thanx for shinning
My life makes sense

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Life has its dark and lonely times… every one gets them and the timeline for that darkness is all up to you… remember your friends are there to help, let them clear your path, they might be harsh and cruel but they only want to help, and that’s sometimes all you need… most important never give up on that little light of yours it might seem gone but its still there and it’s the only thing that will get you back to the path… reach for your dream and you will get there…

Should I face reality...

I'm sitting here in a dream world, alway's far far away from reality my mind is going place every second of my life with my eye's always closed as I never whant to see the trueth of whats before me. I don't want to face the fact that I'm not going somewhere, I don't want to face the fact that my future will never be as I wish and I don't want to face the fact that I can't get what I want. Why would I want to face reality if its all bad and no good???

I talked to some one yesterday that really made me think and I'm sure she doesn't even know that, what we were talking about is not important but what came out of it is... The few simple words that has made me think were "do you really think that" just that little phrase has got me walking up and down last night not knowing what to do with my self....

"Do you really think that" hell I can put that in front of every single piece of my live and it just proof to me that I'm living in a fantasy world and not here with the rest of you. Do I really think live would go as I plan - NO, do I really think that I'm happy - NO, do I really think that I ever would be happy - NO, do I really think that I'm myself - NO. doesn't really matter what the question is it's always gonna be a NO. accept of one or two things but then with those 2 things do I really think taht it will ever happen - NO. Well that's where it all came from, no I dont think it will ever happen... But hell who knows may it will maybe it not, I don't know but I sure wish that it do, I know one thing thou if it happens most of my NO's will become a YES.

But back to the point, Why is it that I can be happy living in another world while in actaul fact I'm not close to happy. Why can a person close there eye's and think, its not that bad I'm happy here where deep inside they know there not? I know there's better things in live than in my world, I know I can be happy in life with just a bit of effort but yet I chose to stay in my world far far away from the rest, its some I can find peace no matter what. I know if I have to come back to reality at this stage of my life I would not survive...

I know when ever thing are just getting to much I go away, I go to my happy place. But I'm afraid that my happy place is harming ppl around me, I'm afraid that my happy place is harming my real live, I'm afraid my happy place is harming my fututer.... My live my soul is not here on earth with me... All my love is with my loved one's but for more than that I'm not here, this is just a holligram of me sended thru a signal from pluto...

UFO Aduption

Crazy or not.... It have happened...

At my first job doing work as an technitian and software support I've spend most of my time with my friend Muffin Man in a car driving around from place to place it happened... after that I was a tech and drove far distances and it happened... after that again a tech and it happened... then my last job before where I am now, again a tech and again working with Muffin Man spending the whole day with him in a car and it happened again.... Darn I'm glad I'm out of the tech jobs for now...

Have you ever been driving around from one point to another where you have just lost time or where you end up somewhere and you dont know how you got there? Well then it have happened to you too. Yes you were a test subject for some other weird creater from oter space...

Well it have happened to me and muffin man alot so don't be scared, we are still alive and bouncing on the floor of the earth... We have got it so many times where you make a trip that you know only take 30mins but yet when you arrive at your destination 2our has passed, or driving to krugersdorp and end up in secunda and cant remember how you got there, well ppl that is all part of the alein reseach.

They come and pick you up while your driving around, do there weird tests and after wards erase your memory so you cant remember any thing... They just some times drop you in the wrong place as they get mixed up with all the ppl they adupt... You might find this fanny but as weird as it is, its true... the weird thing is just that for some reason they really love me and Muffin Man as it happens alot with us... We are there best test subjects.... hehe lucky us...

So be warned... if it happens to you, you know what happened.... We thought we were safe but it happened Yesterday again with Muffin Man.... They are still out ther looking for you...